there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
