I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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