I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So squirting runs in the family.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
how drunk are you?
Several
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
