The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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