Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
