I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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