Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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