All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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