Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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