kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
