Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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