i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
