Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i love accidental penises.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
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i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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