Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
