Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
