Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
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