I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
