I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
