She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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