I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Welp...herpes.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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