I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
