dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
