I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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