Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
