Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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