I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
