The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
