I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's never too late to be topless.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
