It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
