i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
