Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
