if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
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my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
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It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have aggressive nipples.