i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?