Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts

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(607): View more from New York

How was dinner with ur grandparents?

(1-607): View more from New York

I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."

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(954): View more from Florida

Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(315): View more from New York

She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.

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(702): View more from Nevada

the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf

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(816): View more from Missouri

Don't get into any trouble on your trip

(314): View more from Missouri

The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds

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