my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
