Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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