I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
