I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
