So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
