Me too!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
