you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
