Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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