I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
