Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
