he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize