hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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