just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
