i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
