I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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