So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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