HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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