Don't make out with my wife yet
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
