Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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