she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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