So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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