So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
