Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
