Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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