I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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