So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
