i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
