i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize